are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
