Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
