i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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