I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
