There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Alive.
So much puke
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
