so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
