Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
