im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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