We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
