If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
