Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
