it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
