It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
