I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
