I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
