i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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