come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
