How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
