I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my liver is dry heaving
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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