Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
