just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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