I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
