its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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