Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
