I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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