I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize