i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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