The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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