If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just invented taco cereal.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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