i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
