meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
