I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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