there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
