My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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