so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
