The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Panties = found
Randomize
