My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
