I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
