oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
