We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
