ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
