Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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