Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
