Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
