I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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