he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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