Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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