Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
