we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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