Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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