Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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