He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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