I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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