so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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