she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
