i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
