forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
