you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
