You really coming over, don't trick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
