Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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