I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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