would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
