I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
