let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
