Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
