We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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